Those few months ago, when I first contacted Ride Drive, I was sure that I just had a problem with my driving.  A few lessons with an ace instructor should sort me out, I sincerely hoped – although by this time I felt so terrified every time that I got into a car it seemed as though I was physically shaking.  It wasn’t something that had come on all of a sudden - instead, over the past few years I’d become more and more reluctant to drive.  Was it the huge increase in road traffic in the UK?  Were people less skilled drivers now compared with a few years ago?  Had I suddenly forgotten how to do it?  Like lots of people who contact Ride Drive, I couldn’t puzzle out what had gone wrong.  Why was something that had once just been a banal task now so deeply frightening, reducing me to tears at times and making me want to be sick with fear?  I suppose I was expecting to either be re-taught how to drive or to be told that I was frankly a menace on the road and should give up driving – one or the other.

I was so glad to speak to Jules when I first called Ride Drive.  He listened to me.  He didn’t tell me that I just had to “get on with it”.  Slowly, and through my contact with him, I have realised that any person’s ability to carry out a complex skill like driving can be hugely affected by their mental state.  Realisation dawned that following major events in my life – bereavements, caring for a very sick child, moving house several times – I had accumulated a fair old heap of stuff to contend with.

He was, and is, endlessly patient with all my wrestling to solve this thing.  He told me that it wasn’t just the driving, not really.  Something else needed to be sorted out, too.

But the past was sorted out, or so I thought – I’d come to terms with things and was moving on. Yet, in the end, physically moving - at least, driving a car – had become a deeply frightening experience.  Even little local drives made me shake. Exasperation and frustration set in which led to me being very unkind to myself – then my driving got worse.

In the end I got some therapy - I went to my GP and told her I needed CBT and would she refer me.  Even at that stage I was still sometimes of the mind that it was really only a problem with my driving.  The therapist realised that it wasn't just CBT that was needed.  First of all, I had to look at issues from the past.  I’d become very good, over several years, at shutting my inconvenient reactions to baggage from the past firmly into a cupboard, locking the door and walking away.  I’d been ignoring all the distress signals because I didn’t understand what was going on.  My inability to drive in any sort of calm fashion was my subconscious trying to get me to address the things that had been hurting me so much for so long.  More locks on the cupboard were not the answer!  And I would never have known what was causing me to be so distressed when I drove a car if I hadn’t contacted Ride Drive.  Here I could talk to people who not only know practically everything there is to know about driving cars, but who are also immensely intuitive and skilled at dealing with people under stress.

Added to this is a profound and wide-ranging knowledge of the difficulties faced by people with a fear of driving.  What’s also remarkable is that whilst I had to pay for the practical driving session I had (Ride Drive is a privately run organisation), there was a huge amount of time and effort given in the form of email and telephone support, which all came totally free of charge.  In fact it was largely through this line of communication that I came to a state of realisation that dealing with those items I had shut in the cupboards was the only way in which I was going to move forward.  Their Internet discussion forum too was an invaluable source of support, and although I have never physically seen them, I have met some wonderful people in there; people who were all battling with similar issues to those of my own.

Solving the driving thing is definitely going to take me down a different route from what I first thought.  I’ve had a session with one of the Ride Drive team and it was a great confidence booster – my driving wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was.  The sessions with the therapist are continuing and are beginning to re-establish some feelings of contentment.

And some of the feelings of panic associated with driving the car are indeed beginning to recede.  Only the other day I drove in to a nearby city and back again with hardly a flicker, wondering with a sense of huge surprise where all those sudden huge jolts of panic had gone.  When they re-appear in whatever shape or form, I will be in a far better position to deal with them.

So this is a huge thank you to Ride Drive, who are not only continuing to help me sort out the driving, but who have also helped me gain such valuable insights into how to regain my emotional balance.

Best wishes,

Liz

Dear Julian,

I thought I just had to let you know that I have just passed a huge Ridedrive test.  Whilst driving back from Cambridge in the dark about 1-hour ago, intending to go back home on the dual carriageway, I discovered there had been a road accident and all the traffic was being diverted off onto the M11. This should have been my worst nightmare, but I just thought, “Well, this is it,” and went down the slip road to the motorway. I found I wasn't really worried, and just thought, “Oh, okay. I can do this.” How amazing is that????

I only did one junction, and then tried to find my way through the countryside back to the dual carriageway route I wanted, but when I got there that was shut off too (must have been a bad accident).  I then went back and coped with unknown big roads, a small dual carriageway and I really was not fazed by any of it.

My mother-in-law, who was with me and my young son in the car, was amazed at me and said lots of people would have been quite bothered by all of that, but not me. So, I am just sharing this news with you. This does tell me that when I have to, I will be able to drive the motorways, as this has proved, and this makes me very happy.

Best wishes

Debra Jones

Hi Julian,

Just to say thanks very much for your help with sorting me out. The last sessions with John really have been a turning point.  Having been on the motorways and country roads in the dark I've got the idea now.  I found there was a huge amount I didn’t know (and lots more still to learn I'm sure), but for now I need to practice, practice, practice.  Even the big unfamiliar junctions I am starting to get to know how to tackle.  I went round the one outside the Hanger Lane underground station at the weekend (it went OK!) and I've been OK about getting lost and then un-lost.

I have been reading John Cov’s latest post on the forum, the one where he says about how he considers Ride Drive to be the leading people in the country at the moment in dealing with driving phobias.  Too right you are. I was thinking, are you and John Cov going to write a book?  There is a lot of information about phobias in general, but for information on driving phobia, and what to do about it, is only on your website.  Yourself and your colleagues have had such an insight from hours of exposure to phobic drivers, four years of phobia forums, what’s worked, what hasn’t, and you have the other side of the coin, as in the understanding of road driving to an elite level - just a thought. Not that a book could replace the practical sessions, but maybe pull the information together so people can get and keep a clear insight into their problem. I remember when I was in panic/phobia mode; I really couldn’t see any way out of it. I did go looking for a book, but there isn’t one. Years earlier I had my CBT book to read and re-read when I wobbled and couldn’t see a way out of the situation.

I work with people who are living with constant discomfort from the pain from longstanding injuries as my job.  Backs, necks, shoulder etc. and these are people who have been previously written off, being told they have to just put up with it.  We have an approach that works, and people do get fixed, but most of what we do has not been learned through any course.  Most of it is very simple and has been learned from the people we have been trying to help.  We get asked, “Where did you learn that?”  “Why wasn’t I taught that before?” and often it is the very simple things that have made a huge difference.  How many times have I read, “When joining a motorway, match your speed to that of the traffic that you are joining?”  Yes, I understood all that, but it didn't help. Then on a Ride Drive session, John says, “Pick a target vehicle and keep up to their speed.” Priceless!  I can now join the motorway, but why didn’t someone say that to me before?

Just like I don’t know what I don’t know about driving skills, do you realise just what you know?  Three years ago I was seeing a clinical psychologist, taking antidepressants and had to keep breathing into to a paper bag!  Now look at me.  As my driving has improved to a novice, but competent level, I've decided to go on a long drive. I am going to do London to Isle of Skye and back.  I was going to get the train, but this will put into practice all the bits I've learned, and I’m looking forward to enjoying the drive. I am setting off tomorrow and planning to get there over two-days for a holiday (well 2-days-ish).

Thanks again, Julian.

Best wishes

Emma.

Dear Julian

Thank you for your letter.  I found it very encouraging and thoughtful that you had taken the time to write to me.

I was very apprehensive when I set out for my initial assessment as I wasn’t sure what to expect.  Paul very quickly put me at my ease and I felt confident he wouldn’t push me into doing anything he felt I wasn’t capable of doing.

Yes I made the motorway on my first morning, which I hadn’t driven on for 14 years so that really was a milestone.  I had also become reluctant to venture far and was also not keen to drive on dual carriageways.

I have done some driving on my own on the A38 and A50 since my last programme.  I have also been made aware of a lot of changes in road markings and signs which in the past I have more or less been glanced at and thought to myself I don’t know what that means!

I am having a break, as Paul has already told you, as I felt at saturation point and also I am going on an unexpected holiday at the end of the month. On my return the arrangement is that I will either contact you or Paul.

In the mean time I will keep practicing.

Yours Sincerely

Kath Alsop

"I found everything very useful, in particular bend assessment, car stability and development of advanced observation.  How to reverse out of a parking space safely. Before I started the half-day I was a very nervous driver who lacked confidence.  Ken made me feel at ease and helped me to re-build my confidence.  I was given practical guidance, advice and learnt new skills on how to handle my car effectively.

Thank you."

Gillian Moore

“Confidence almost fully restored.  I was put straight at ease and found Paul very constructive and encouraging. I realise I can drive and that I should have taken this step years ago.”

Kath Alsop

"After a conversation about a year ago with Julian, I started my journey with Ride Drive. For the first time I had found someone that actually understood how I felt. I had tried a counsellor, a hypnotist and a phobia clinic, to which I might add, was extremely expensive and actually set me further back with my phobia.

My phobia was motorways, which I realised was quickly spreading to dual carriageways and sometimes just ordinary roads. Why or how phobias manifest themselves nobody really knows, but I was going through a lot of trauma in my life and I suppose it had to come out somewhere.

I had been driving for many, many years and to be confronted with something that I had absolutely no control over now affected many aspects of my life. I was absolutely petrified to go on a motorway, but because I couldn’t stand the feeling of being out of control, I kept making myself do it and every time I would end up a quivering mess on the hard shoulder and hating myself for being so weak. I had now got to the point that if anybody mentioned a motorway I would start panicking. I decided that the only way to deal with this was to confront my fear head-on, but I needed help because I couldn’t do it alone.

So, here starts my journey, I was very nervous and also feeling a little foolish, after all who can be scared of a road, but the feeling was very real. I had my assessment with Steve who believed that I could conquer this phobia and instilled that belief in me. We very quickly built up a friendship and I had every confidence in him. He is an amazing guy and I am full of admiration for him, so many times I slipped backwards, but he never gave up on me. We started by building my confidence on ordinary roads and Steve has such a passion for driving that it started to rub off on me as I began to see things in a new light, and actually started to enjoy driving again. I have been on a skidpan and speeded around an airfield, which really did boost my confidence.

That part was relatively easy, but the motorway driving wasn’t. I still felt that I wasn’t in control and the car was controlling me, but we spent every session driving up and down the motorway and sometimes I would be ok and another time the wobbles would come back, but I think this is something I am going to have to live with, because the fear never really goes away and as Steve said, I just have to learn to control it. I have to say that we had lots of laughs and plenty of tears (that’s me, not Steve) along the way, but I have now reached a point, a year later, where I have to go it alone and I know I can do it. I have had a few dodgy times and I still keep to my comfort zone on the inside lane, but I am determined to get better and better and to feel comfortable overtaking again, which is where my first panic attack started.

It has been a long journey, but it has been worth it. A year ago I couldn’t drive up the slip road without having a major panic attack, and now I am going from strength to strength. Every time I go out in the car it is a new journey and Steve has made me realise my abilities in that I know I am a good driver. I am so grateful to Ride Drive, but especially to Steve, my special friend, as without him I couldn’t have done it.  He is the best teacher I could have asked for. I now really enjoy going out driving and one of these days I may be able to say that about motorway driving.

Lesley.